I am at the end of my rope.
I've been sliding for 4 1/2 months, and not I've reached the end.
Who knows, I might be able to hang on for a while. I've been working out (see how I still joke in my state of despair).
Here's the deal:
Tucker has always struggled with sleeping. At first I thought, "oh, no big deal, it's the 45 minute intruder, and it'll be over soon." Oh, how naive I was. This was no phase. It's not ever. I'm convinced it's never going to leave.
Around the beginning of November (I think...it's all a blur of screaming), he began sleeping for only 45 minutes, and waking up SCREAMING. I'm not talking like, oh fuss here, fuss there, cry a little bit, work my way up. I'm talking, one little cough, and WAAAIIIIIILLLLL.
He has been diagnosed with acid reflux, and takes Axid twice a day.
Most of the time when he wakes up, his scream sounds like he is in pain. Even when I put his paci back in and shhhh him, he'll start to calm down, but then he squirms and starts the wailing again. I know he's tired, he just can't get himself back to sleep.
So, here's what we've tried so far.
As soon as I hear him start to stir, I sneak into his room, turn his bed back on (it vibrates), and sneak his paci back into his mouth without him seeing me. Sometimes this works in the morning (his good time).
Let him cry it out. Yes, I know he has to learn to go back to sleep on his own, but I truely think that this is not that kind of problem. Again, he appears to be in pain, not just refusing to go to sleep because no one is consoling him. I only let him cry for up to 15 minutes. I closely monitor him because he gets a gurgling sound after a while, plus he has started to choke before.
My brother in law suggested that since he was waking up screaming, he was probably hungry! BRILLIANT!!! Seriously?! It took 4 1/2 months, 4 different people talking about this ALL the time for us to realize this?! So, I began the weighing process. I'd weigh him, nurse him, weigh him again. The results: As the day went on, he was eating longer (up to 40 min. total), but receiving less milk. So, I supplemented. Then, moved completely to formula so we could regulate how much food he's getting....still no change.
We just bought The Nap Nanny. People have sworn by it, so I thought, "Sure, I'll fork over $130 for my child to sleep more than 45 minutes at a time!" I skipped home with high hopes of a rainbow and butteryfly nap time....only to hear him cry 45 minutes later!
In extreme situations, I have scooped him up, put him in the car, and drove around until it's time to eat. I've only done this 4 or 5 times EVER. I'm not looking to make this part of our daily routine, but it works like a charm.
I've rocked him. *Gasp!* Yes, I know, bring on the firing squad. If it makes you feel any better, I've done this less times than the car, but even then, he's only fallen asleep maybe once or twice with me doing this.
The only things that seem to console him:
When I pick him up...eventually. I try EVERYTHING else before I give up and get him out of the bed. It seems like being vertical is the only comfortable thing for him. It's sad, though, because his eyes are red and tired, but he only calms down when I do this. As soon as I lay him down to change him, the crying starts again...again, I think he's in pain.
MILK! Once he's gotten the food, he's a whole new guy! I'm talking like only a few ounces and he's all smiles and charm again!
Soooooooo, I don't know what to do AT ALL. NOTHING is working.
So, this is what I need.
Suggestions. If you can think of anything to try, please let me know. Be specific, if you say to alter his schedule, please tell me exactly how. He's currently eating 5 meals a day, and the pediatrician said he should be down to 3 naps a day.
Encouragement. I know I'm a good mom, but I'm not going to lie, I feel horrible every time he wakes up screaming and I can't figure out what to do. I want to cry...well, 3 times a day, at least! Then, I'm all alone in the house with nothing but the ringing of cries in my ears, even when he's actually sleeping. It's hard. Maybe this is just normal, and everyone thinks I'm over reacting, or just complaining, but I really don't feel like I am.
Now, to be clear. Tucker is amazing. Everything I just described takes up under 10% of the day. Really, once he's eaten, he's fantastic! He's quite the charmer, really, and loves to play and laugh. I love him so much, which is why I want to be able to help him. I am just trying to make sure he learns to sleep well. He does actually put himself to sleep just fine. He's always been great at that, so I'm thankful. I'm also so thankful for Andy because he's such an encourager. He keeps his cool, which keeps me from taking the rope I was talking about and...well ;), let's just leave it at that he's amazing!
Thank you for reading, and I'm looking forward to your help!
Also, if you feel like your suggestions will take more room than allowed on blogger, please email me at kelbelle810@hotmail.com.
12 comments:
Oh, Kel! I have totally been there! Avery was a reflux baby (we used Zantac) and she would scream and scream.... I felt like a bad mom a lot, but looking back, what worked best was just giving her what she needed/wanted. She didn't take a nap longer than 30-45 minutes until she was 6 months old... I wouldn't put a lot of credit into what your pedi says he "should" be doing when it comes to sleeping or eating. Some babies are snackers- Avery preferred to eat for 10-15 minutes more often or needed a "top off" every now and then. I wouldn't worry about starting horrible habits when he's this young- they're easy enough to break when he's older, has more of a routine, or has his reflux under control :) If he needs rocking for comfort, don't be afraid to do it. In a year, you'll be dying to rock your 4 1/2 month old baby boy (trust me on this). You're a good mom. Trust your instincts (even if they go against "professional opinion") and call me if you need me :)
My son sis the same- it turned out he doesn't handle dairy well. I also read once that dairy is to blame for up to 50% of acid reflux. Laying flat was horribly painful for him, sucking (nursing) helped. My son was in a lot of pain, I rocked him, walked him around, whatever he wanted to sooth his pain. We even co-slept to help him. Now, he's 2, and sleeps like a dream!
100% agree with Megan. E didn't have reflux, but we did deal with the 45 Intruder issue. We just had to let her fuss it out, and finally she figured things out at around 6-ish months. Things change SO quickly with babies (I am slowly learning this...), so in a month, things could be totally different and better. I know it feels like this is THE ONLY THING going on in your world right now (been there, too), but there is an end to the screaming. Just hunker down, comfort him but let him work some of it out on his own, stay consistent, and EAT CHOCOLATE when all else fails. ;)
You're doing great. You're not alone. You can do it.
First of all: you are a good mom and everything you've been doing is exactly right. You are trusting your instincts! I'm with Erin...Riggs went through a long spurt of 45 minute naps ending with horrible screams. Honestly, I finally just started going in and picking him up to comfort him. Sometimes he'd go back down. Sometimes he wouldn't, and we'd just continue our routine and try for another nap later. After awhile (closer to 6 months) my instincts were telling me to let him fuss it out, so I'd give him 15 minutes, and if he didn't settle down in that time then we'd move on with our day. I hate to say that it is just a phase, but I would give yourself a bit more time...Riggs didn't really find his groove with a 3 nap routine until closer to 6 months. BUT...if your gut is telling you that his crying is more than just frustration at not being able to get back to sleep, then you might go back to the drawing board with your pediatrician. If you get brushed off, change pediatricians! Hang in there, it WILL get better!
I would consider switching to soy formula. The dairy might be upsetting his stomach and by giving him formula you know exactly how much he is getting. Sometimes when N gets really upset after only sleeping for a little while if I change his diaper he will go back to sleep.
We went through that too! Except I think Luke only wanted to sleep for about 20 minutes a time :) Everyone said he would eventually get better and the dr told us that some babies just don't nap long...hang in there!!! It will get better!!!
lets try and plan a play date soon!!!!
Maybe you could try to put him in a swing to sleep
Hi, Kelly! Though I've never had the pleasure of meeting you, my mom was good friends with Andy's family in DeRidder and she passed along your blog address so I could empathize in your new-mommy adventures...I have a 3 1/2 mo son myself.
I don't have any care-giving advice that you haven't already tried because I'm still new at this motherhood thing too, but please know that our family is praying for you as you and Tucker work through this struggle.
The only thing I would add to the other comments is to not forget that you have to take care of yourself in order to best take care of Tucker. How quickly we forget that because we love our children so much that we want to drain ourselves in order to make them happiest. I've asked my hubby to watch my little guy for an hour or two just so I can go get my nails done or do something that doesn't in any way involve babies or household chores.
You're a great mom, a wonderful wife, and a strong woman...your rope is longer than you think and the Lord will make sure you don't slide completely off.
I am a friend of Valerie Chambers and she said you needed some sleep help with your little guy. I've worked with a night nurse and have had great success. I also read solving your child's sleep problems by Richard Ferber. You can feel free to e-mail me and I can provide you with the details oemaurer@gmail.com I am expecting my 3rd next month...despite having lots of sleep issues, both of my older kids slept through the night and were on a "nap schedule" by 3 months. It's for your sanity and their benefit.
I agree with all of these ladies, you're a good mom and don't let ANYONE let you feel otherwise. I also agree with Megan that you should definitely rock him while you can. He is too young to be manipulative, so what he wants and needs are the same thing. When my son was little, I had to bounce him on one of those gigantic ab balls till he would fall asleep. He's a great sleeper now and self-soothes most times i put him down (he's 7 months now). Hang in there!
You're a trooper! Even sweet, precious babies can make your sanity questionable when sleep is at a minimum for 4.5 months. Does he sleep right after eating? if so, do you hold him upright for awhile after eating? My little boy was on 2 meds for reflux but we also had to feed him sitting up, then hold him upright for 30 min afterward. Along those lines, have you tried letting him sleep in something reclined--like his car seat or bouncer? Probably not all-pediatrician approved, but I've heard some suggest it. Hang in there and know that you're not complaining--it really IS that tough!
I am a friend of a friend of Kendall's. :) I have two kids and read Babywise from cover to cover before my first. She was a wonderful sleeper and I patted myself on the back thinking it was because I did such a good job following the Babywise guidelines. Then my son was born. :) I followed the same Babywise principles and he was just like your son...up after 45 minutes and it made me feel like I was going to go crazy! It's not you. :) I am sure you are doing a wonderful job with him! My son is now 2.5 and a great sleeper but it took a long time to get there. Eventually I had to accept that 45 min naps was what he did. I did rock him (he never liked the swing), or pat him and try to get him back to sleep but I stopped stressing and it helped me enjoy him more. I really think each child is different! The following article was a big encouragement to me!
http://www.babywisemom.com/2008/09/chronic-45-minute-naps.html
Post a Comment